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On April 28, 2009 I had some abnormal bleeding. I called a co-worker who was also a nursing student and she told me that it sounded like I had miscarried. MISCARRIED! I didn't even know I was pregnant!! What a way to find out, right? Well the next morning I called my gynocologist and was advised to take a pregnancy test. Positive! But, there was still the possibility I had miscarried the night before. At this point, Travis and I were both on pins and needles. We were nervous, happy, and a little scared. Due to my anxiety, the OB-GYN nurse ordered blood work. A couple hours later, while in the movie, I received a phone call. After hanging up I turned to Travis and asked, "Are you ready to be a daddy?" And he smiled and replied, "Yes."I read online that sometimes your Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG) levels continue to rise even after you miscarry so I had more blood work done and my HCG levels had more than doubled. Even still, I just could not believe that I was going to be a mother until May 12, 2009 when Travis and I saw that little heart beating for the first time. No words. There just aren't any words.
One morning I started having Braxton-Hicks contractions in my back and side. After about 6 hours they went away. Bummer! I wanted to go into labor sooooo badly! So, Travis and I went walking up and down hills and all through the mall. I must have gone up and down the stairs 10 times. No baby. :(
Sunday, Jan. 3, 2010 I went to church and came home and took a nap. When I woke up I was hungry so I went to the store to get something to eat, but I was having some pretty intense Braxton-Hicks so I got some Sprite and came back home. Sometimes, well if I'm honest, most of the time, I'm a very private person. When I'm going through things, I like to be left alone with my thoughts and feelings. When I arrived back home from the store, I was in pain. I went into the bathroom and stayed there for 4 hours. I didn't know it at the time, but I was in labor. I sat on the toilet, laid on the floor, squatted, crawled, LOL, I did everything! I didn't want to call Travis because I didn't want him to drive to town for a false alarm so I toughed it out, but I remember a nurse saying that if it's real labor, it will get worse. Indeed it did. I still didn't let anyone at my house know what was going on (although after being in the bathroom for 4 hours, I'm sure they had an idea), but I texted Travis and simply said, "Come."
When Travis got there, he loaded my things into the car and we left without saying a word. I didn't want anyone to fuss over me, ask questions, etc. I just wanted to GO! At first Travis thought he was in control. I quickly nipped that in the bud! LOL. If I need to take 45 minutes to walk 5 feet to the elevator DARN IT I was going to take 45 minutes!! LOL. Now we can laugh about it, but at the time we both were just a little flustered and anxious. They checked me and determined I was 4-5cm dialated so I wasn't going home (thank God!). I was going to have a baby! My method for dealing with the contractions was walking around the room with Travis guiding me. During my 4 hour stay in the bathroom, I had started a chant. At the start of the contraction I would repeat, "God is in control. God is in control. God is in control." And, as the contraction was fading away I'd say, "Yes he is. Yes he is. Yes he is." It took Travis a while to figure out what I was saying. Around 6cm the nurse asked if I wanted an epidural. Now, prior to feeling these contractions, I said I wanted to go natural. The code word for GIVE ME MEDICINE NOW was tomatoes. Initially I thought I was going to be discouraged from going natural (based on stories I'd heard) but surprisingly the nurse said, "If you can make it to 7cm, I believe you can go all the way." As grateful as I was to hear her say that, I opted for an epidural right away. It wasn't that the contractions were soooooooo painful, but I asked for medication because I was afraid of what they would be like as I continued to dialate. I was afraid of the unknown. So, I received the epidural and continued to progress rather quickly but when I got to 8cm, I stopped progressing. I was given Pitocin (to make the contractions stronger), but soon thereafter Arden's heartrate began to drop during the contractions and I was given oxygen and told to lie on my side. The oxygen helped some, but not enough. I was warned that I might have to have a ceserean section and a few hours later I was wheeled to the OR for an emergency c-section.
The ride there was very fast and everyone was in a hurry. Laying on my back watching the walls whiz by through tear-filled eyes, I didn't know what to think. Was the baby in danger? What had happened that made it such an emergency? But, I was too busy thinking a million thoughts that I didn't ask any questions. As they prepped me for the c-section I kept thinking what if the anesthesia doesn't work?! What if I feel it? When I started crying they wiped my tears, told me everything would be alright, and answered that if I didn't go completely numb they would have to put me to sleep and Travis wouldn't be allowed in the room. After hearing that Travis would have to stay outside, I was determined to be numb! I saw Travis standing outside the door in his scrubs and I kept asking, "Can he come in now? Can he come in now?" The nurse asked the doctor who said it was okay for him to come in early (not sure what the hold up was) and he came in, sat beside me, and held my hand. I was shaking from the medicine and my nerves when Travis started chanting, "God is in control. Yes he is." Minutes later our daughter was born.
Arden V. Hawthorne
Jan. 4, 2010 @ 11:57 am
7 lbs. 2 oz.
19 in.
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